I couldn't get into the library the other day.

Help I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy up

But it was just a red hairing

Narcolepsy is not to be confused with Narcolipsy Narcolipsy is the urge to rat people out.

Who starts a conversation like that???

Mom calls her 8 year old son into the family room where she is waiting with her husband. She says to her son, "Johnny, you were adopted." Johnny launches into a screaming tantrum and demands to meet his biological parents. Mom says, "we are your biological parents son, now go pack, you were adopted."

A man walks into a bar and the barman is astonished. Half of the man's head is half of a huge orange. 'So sorry to be nosy,' the barman says, 'but why is half of your head half of a huge orange?' 'Well, I was cleaning up the barn, the man says, 'and I found an old lamp. I polished it up, and a genie came swooping out of it, saying, 'may I grant you any three wishes, master?' So I said, 'I'd like to have a million dollars - and every time I take the million dollars out of my pocket, another million appears there.' The genie said, 'Your wish is granted. And your second wish?' The man says, 'I'd like a big house with 100 beautiful ladies in it.' 'Your wish is granted, says the genie. 'And your third wish?' 'I'd like half my head to be half of a huge orange.'

Because we tossed the T in the ocean.

Because it had been charged with intent.

I don’t understand how cemeteries can raise their prices and blame it on the cost of living.

"No of course not", replied his mother. Why would you think such a thing? Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side of the city. Shocked, his mother called her husband. "Honey, Fred has done a DNA test, and... and... I don't know how to say this... he may not be our son." "Well, obviously!" he replied. "What do you mean?" She asked "It was your idea in the first place" her husband continued. "You remember, that first night in hospital when the baby did nothing but scream and cry and scream and cry. On and on. And you asked me to change him." "Well ..... I picked a good one I reckon. Ever so proud of Fred."